unsure

just a rant…

How is it that I am so singularly idiotic over this man who does not recompense me in level of affection? What is that thing in a person’s head that keeps them longing for someone that does not love them as much? I read the posts searching if someone figures it out. I search “heartbreak”“breaking up with a man who is in another relationship”“surviving a breakup”… And then my head spins with all the conversations and gestures and affection that has kept me here. I accept my responsibility, but what of the person who belonged to someone else? and chose to wrap themselves up in another individual? Greedy and selfish is easily thrown out there, but the mechanics of the actions taken…how did a person become in a way as to emotionally wrap themselves up in two people and think it could work? There is always an ultimate ending. Reading of historical accounts of affairs and lovers and trysts that have happened and knowing the costs involved to the people and families.

I only rant because as my rational mind is becoming more active in this “love affair”, I am trying to figure out the mechanics of how I got here. I don’t want to do it again. I sat upright in bed last night and realized he has never said he was in love with me, but saying you love someone whether it is romantic or otherwise is supposed to mean you have their best interest at heart.

I don’t feel this is so in my case.